Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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