My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
