she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
