non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
