So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
