Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
