masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
