conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
