Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
