I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
