At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
