hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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