I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
