Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
