she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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