This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
