Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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