You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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