that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
