I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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