Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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