I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
