my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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