Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
