As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
