I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Houston, we have a blender
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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