thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
