Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we're making bets on your personal life
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
