Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
