dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
