Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
