All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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