One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
