Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
