Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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