I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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