hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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