Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
