You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
