the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
