that's an acceptable place to lick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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