the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
