I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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