sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
