someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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