i think my tv is drunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
