She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
