Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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