I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it's like heaven, but drunker
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
