we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
