At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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