I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
