i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
